Jesus holding me close in Depression

As you know, I've been struggling with a bit of depression lately and though I'm doing better and I'm doing really good at not allowing despondency to get it's grip on me, I still have days that aren't exactly the best. Yesterday was one of them.

I took Faith to Horse Quiz Bowl Practice and while out I had to go by and get a gift card and mail off a package to Christian since he will not be home for the holidays. Now I was already feeling a bit lowly - but I had parked way out in the parking lot with no other cars really close by to make it easy for me to pull out of this otherwise crazy parking lot. So I get in the car and crank up when this guy comes whipping in and pulls into the space *right in front of me* ... I mean really -with all the other spaces available and you have to pull in right in front of me, blocking my way out that I had so carefully planned, really? So I took a deep breath, backed out and found a different way out. It wasn't so bad, it was just a little frustrating.

So I headed to the post office to mail off the package that was now complete. Got it mailed and then I could not for the life of me back out of my parking spot due to traffic and several other rude people. I finally back out due to the generosity of a fellow driver, God bless him, and headed out of the parking lot back to Faith. On the way out there is a sign that reads "Buckle up! Someone needs you!" When I read this, it wasn't a few minutes later and the tears started coming... I got to thinking - ha, no one actually *needs* me. Everyone would be able to get on just fine without me, in fact they'd probably have much smoother lives without me. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't contemplating anything drastic - been there done that and it isn't fun to be in that place at all and I've determined to never be there again. No, I want to live, I want to be mommy, I want to show my children the awesomeness of God and worshipping Him, but when it boils down to it, no one needs me.

So I pick up Faith and we have to stop at the grocery store for bread and pepper. This is where the first sign I received that Jesus was holding me. I also needed two things - a Baker's Cup for dipping chocolate and some vanilla flavored marshmallows. So I get everything and I'm desperately searching the shelf of marshmallows praying I've just missed the vanilla flavored ones. There are the big ones, the mini ones, and the pink, strawberry flavored ones, but no vanilla flavored ones. But yet I keep looking - not sure why as I've looked over it several times already. There were more and more people showing up in just this little area so I had to move - and then there it was - the one and only bag of pink and green vanilla flavored marshmallows just sitting there on top of the pink, strawberry flavored ones. I mean how did I miss this bag?? All I could think of was "Thank You" and that apparently the little gift I wanted to give my family meant something - I mean it's nothing much but apparently it is enough to where the marshmallows were provided to me.

Then later I go to meet my friend I mentioned in the previous post that I hadn't seen in ages. My mood at the time is hard to describe and let's just say I needed a little something and it was definitely provided to me. I had absolutely nothing but green lights from my house to the highway, then when I got off the exit I was gifted with nothing but green lights all the way til the construction area. This gave me time to put a little lip gloss on and brush my hair and otherwise get to looking decently :) Anyway, so I really enjoyed our visit and then it hit me - she is the person I've been praying for - a friend that always gives sound advice, never judges, and prays and prays and prays. I have few friends like that in my life and I am soooo thankful the Lord "showed" her to me again.

So needless to say, Jesus was there with me all day long and was gently showing me I matter to Him. Thank You, Jesus, I needed that.